What issue do I need to ask for help with?

I don’t know if it’s this particular question, the fact that I’m midway through this challenge, that I’ve started filming it instead of writing it, or the sudden and somewhat horrifying reality that for two weeks I’ve been sharing my innerds with the internets, but I wanted to just jettison the whole tarot challenge. I’ve been having this conversation with myself that goes something like this: “Am I  high? Am I insane? Did I just fall off the truck last week? Do I  understand that I am telling things about myself online? Where people can see?”

And then I breathed and smoothed out my pants and remembered that the four horsemen did not show up on my front lawn because I did this.

Then I found a piece of dark chocolate in my art table. I remembered hiding it at the beginning of all this, thinking “I’ll find this when I need a treat.”

And all was well in the land.

Also, I discovered iMovie today. I plan to get better at it.

What is undermining my confidence in myself?

I’m getting ready to do a client reading this morning. It’s going to be a big one because I’ll be doing the numerology chart as well. Everyone enjoy your day!

Below is my Tarot pull for the other challenge I’m doing. I’ve started to film them because it’s a little easier than typing them. My wrists and elbows have been bothering me lately.

Where do I need to speak up?

Rada La Place (Knight/Prince of Swords)

La place is the understudy of the houngan. He is a master of ceremonies who is learning to lead the congregation. Much of the time it is his job to oversee the details of rituals and to foresee problems before they occur. He is the element of air, his elemental tool is the machete. The machete also ties him to Ogoun the Blacksmith, and the great magic of the forge. In this Tarot, la place is associated with the crossroads. He is the connection between the visible and invisible worlds.

This particular la place is the airy part of air. This energy is unstable, wandering from subject to subject before anyone else can catch up. In the painting, he appears to be conjuring a small dust devil, but to what end? Like The Magician, he can manipulate perception. Is this real? Is he just trying to impress us with smoke and mirrors?

When this card shows up there is a need to focus one’s efforts to stay on task. Pay close attention to the finer points, analyze the data. Look for mistakes before they manifest. When that still, small voice in the back of my head says, “We can look at this again, it still won’t add up.” – heed it, and say something. It no longer serves me to keep things to myself. This knight, like the rest of the Sword family, calls people on their shit. The message I keep hearing over and over during contemplation is “Stop keeping everyone’s secrets.”

I’ve actually already stopped doing that and it’s quite liberating. 😁

Tuesday Coffee Rambling

I got up, fed the kitties, and went back to bed “for thirty minutes”. I woke up two hours later.

The allergy protocol I’m on can make me VERY DOZEY. I don’t always get like this but every now and then that night time Benadryl hits HARD. I’m waiting to find out if insurance will cover allergy shots because it’s either a year of those or pills for life. I was so happy to be one of those adults that wasn’t on pills for life, so I’m hoping they’ll cover the shots and can go back to taking just vitamins every day.

I went shopping for a kettlebell yesterday. I used to be an obsessive workout fiend. Then my routine just slowly fell apart when I moved to Ottawa. I have one kettlebell but it’s too heavy to start out with. Holy shitballs have they gone up in price! Thanks pandemic! My Maritime cheap gene was activated in Target last night, so I’ll figure out what activities I can do to build strength so I can eventually use the kettlebell that I’ve got.

The core yoga flow I’ve been doing has stopped making me drip sweat into my eyeballs. Yesterday I was just dewy and MOIST when I finished, so it’s time to switch it up. Muscle memory is kicking in. My body wants to be in shape again and it’s reminding me of this. That’s the thing about getting back up. Your body remembers and it likes to be pushed. We were not meant to be stuck in offices, sitting at desks. Moving is healthy.

As much as this Tarot challenge has churned up some shit for me, it’s also been good. I’ve started to look at people and things in my life differently. It’s been a while since I’ve done one. I have a feeling I’ll do it next year if HealingThruTarot hosts it again.

I crinkled a bread bag because I haven’t seen MDK since I fed him and was rewarded with two ears perking up. He knows it not the treat bag, though, so that’s all I’m getting.

I was slack and didn’t do my meal prep for the week. This resulted in me being hungry in Target last night and a box of Oreo cookie pop tarts and a loaf of sourdough bread coming home with me. So naturally I had a sandwich and pop tart when I got home. My body rewarded me with heartburn and bloating. Meal prep. Now. Go!

What is draining my energy?

10 Rada (10 of Swords)

I’m not going to lie. When I cut the deck these days, I’m quietly thinking, “Not Legba, not Legba” as I cut the cards.

Azaka is both the farmer who fights the drought and the master of herbs. He does a lot with very little. Like The Fool, he has all of his possessions in a bag, slung over his shoulder. From Azaka we get the Hoodoo Root Doctor. He works hard in the sun, and remains persistent even when things feel too great. If his crops fail, everyone will starve and he does not want that to happen.

The contemplation for this card is the earth as both giver and taker of life.

There is a need to suspend belief in the 10 of Swords, especially a need to set down fixed beliefs for now. Tens are hesitations, and while the cycle has ended with the nines, tens show a slow transition away. It is time to set aside whatever fixed beliefs I may have about how things should be, and just let shit unfold.

Which dream do I need to rekindle?

6 Petro (6 of Wands) expressed through 4 Santeria (4 of Pentacles)

Ye gods, Legba La Flambeau is back. It’s like he’s saying “You can’t get rid of me….”

He is expressed through Obatala.

Obatala is an orisha of Santeria. The creators of this deck assigned all things earth to Santeria as recognition of its tremendous power in shaping the spiritual community of the “New World” and also because both Voodoo and Santeria have their roots in Africa. Obatala is ancient like the mountain behind him, full of wisdom and experience. He is calm, cool, collected, and compassionate. Unlike the traditional imagery of the 4 of pentacles, Obatala is not hoarding wealth. He is beloved and his wealth is wisdom and tremendous compassion, which he shares.

In this instance, Legba’s gift of light is illuminated with Obatala’s wisdom that much more and became much more clear on this new moon in Aries. At least now I have a better idea why he keeps showing up 😁

And I am doing the thing. It is being rekindled. That’s all I’ve got to say about that!

Where do I need to draw boundaries?

Carnival/Master of the Head (The World/The Hierophant)

I drew the same card two days in a row. Because I am who I am, when that happens a lot like it’s happening now, I look at the card. Are you bent? No. Are you rough on the edges? No. If I put you in the deck in some random spot, can I feel that card distinctly? No. What if I shuffle again?

Carnival.

What if I get another deck? I shuffled The Crow Tarot, known in this house for its extreme bluntness.

The World.

🙄

Ok, fine, spirits, but I’m cutting a card to clarify this.

Carnival/The World is still showing up to remind me that the gates are still wide open. There’s time here. It’s being expressed through Master of The Head/Hierophant. This card speaks of the loa capable of integrating the highest qualities of the mind and the personality into someone that is whole, someone with direction. This is a time of initiation. To be aligned with the Master of one’s Head is to be living in alignment with one’s life purpose. It’s time to put all the teachings to use. This is the spiritual aspect of all this; the part that makes everyone go, “Woooo that is sooooo deep.”

There is a practical aspect to this card, too. Whether he’s the Master of the Head, The Hierophant, or The High Priest – he’s not new that’s why he’s the Master. I’m not new to this either and probably none of you are. When you end a cycle (The World) and begin a new one (The Fool) you aren’t starting over entirely. Go Google up an image of The Fool. His little hobo bag isn’t empty. If it was it wouldn’t be on the stick. This isn’t The Hierophant’s first rodeo and it isn’t mine, either. You can dress bullshit up but it’s still bullshit and we all know it. I need to trust my gut. There is no specific boundary this card relates to, such as boundaries around money or boundaries on time. Just a reminder that I really have been down this road before and if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then experience should tell me it’s a duck and I can deal with it.

How can I feel more secure?

Carnival (The World)

I did work this for a client this morning and this card came up for her, as the undercurrent of her reading. It made me stop and pause because regardless of the deck I use, The World is coming up over and over. And here it comes up for me now. A lot of us, myself included, are feeling insecure these days. As the astrology shifts, and we go from an earth cycle to an air cycle, many things about our lives are being upended.

This card has come up so much in the last few months that I feel like this message is for everyone: change makes us all feel insecure and unsupported. Not knowing the next step is very stressful for all of us. I don’t call myself a Level 99 Musterbator for no good reason. However, chaos and uncertainty create opportunity. The time to reinvent yourself is now.

When people put on masks they will do things they would never dream of doing as their plain old selves. This is one of the attractions of Carnival. Opportunities often call for reinvention. Now is the time for an image overhaul. Take the thing you want to do and tweak it.

Feel secure in the knowledge that if you hold back nothing, nothing will be withheld. This is a time of revelation and revolving. At this point the major arcana cycles back to the beginning, The Fool and his journey, whatever that may be for you. That is the next step.